day 6

ok so its day six and so far i have stuck to my guns with determination i didn't know i had! i have just been for lunch at russ' parents local, as is the norm for a sunday. i had a kids portion of a roast pork dinner accompanied with water! what! yes! WATER! now i like water don't get me wrong, but sunday lunch is supposed to be washed down with a glass of wine or two. that is the law! my in-laws looked at me as if i was completely insane, sitting in a pub drinking water indeed! it goes against everything i stand for! hah! but isn't that the point? the fact that i am standing up for myself and saying 'no to the belly bulge!' it may be hard and sometimes it seems almost impossible but i am going to do this!

russ is off out tonight playing pool, having a few pints and generally enjoying himself. i will be sitting at home counting my calories, putting the baby to bed and then sitting twiddling my thumbs with not a lot to do! motivate yourself woman! i hear you say! do a fitness video, get the wii fit out or just have a nice relaxing bath? all of these i have the full intention of doing but it is going to take some ummmmpf. i am not in the best of moods today. there is no particular reason for it i just woke up and couldn't be bothered. we all have those days, don't we?

when i feel like this i am a nightmare for the woe-is-me attitude. the fact that im going to be stuck on my own, skint and bored does not help and the one thing i would kill for is a nice refreshing, crisp glass of wine (or four hehehe). this creates a rather thought provoking conundrum. do i give in and have a couple of glasses to cheer and amuse my mood this evening? or do i persevere and say no? well if i do have a glass or two i will wake in the morning pissed off with myself for giving in, but if i don't i will probably be a miserable cow all night!

i can be my own worst enemy. i do not like wanting something i cannot have. that is definitely the female in me, i have to admit. being told 'no,' even by myself annoys, frustrates and generally p*ss*s me off! this usually results in me doing anything i can to do the opposite of what i have been told!

hmmmmmmmmm, to be me, complicated, hey?